WE ARE LIVING IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE
Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 7:22 am
Updated September 8, 2004
CHENEY: NOSTRADAMUS WARNED OF KERRY VICTORY
Could Signal End of World, Says Veep
Vice President Dick Cheney made his most dire remarks to date about a November victory by Democratic nominee John Kerry, saying that the French seer Nostradamus warned that Mr. Kerry's election would signal the end of the world.
"Nostradamus made it quite clear that John Kerry's election would be followed shortly thereafter by the end of the universe," Mr. Cheney soberly informed his audience at an Akron, Ohio rally yesterday. "So if you want the world to end, John Kerry is your man."
Mr. Cheney added that if Mr. Kerry were elected, "Rather than seeing the world come to an end I would put the world out of its misery by destroying it myself."
While Mr. Cheney's warnings about a Kerry win have grown increasingly grim in recent days, his claim that Nostradamus (1503-1566) predicted a Kerry-driven apocalypse was extraordinary, even by the standards of today's heated political rhetoric.
But hours after the vice president issued his latest warning, the Nostradamus prediction was powerfully discredited by a newly-formed political action committee calling itself Renaissance French Seers for Truth.
In an ad broadcast in several battleground states by the well-financed seers' group, little-known French seer Henri de Montrachet (1497-1558) is quoted as saying, "I was a seer alongside Nostradamus, and I can tell you this, Nostradamus is lying about John Kerry."
In other campaign news, the Kerry campaign suffered another setback today when the Federal Election Commission informed Mr. Kerry that he had exceeded the federal campaign limit on boat metaphors.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT LIVE IN NYC SEPT. 28 ****
Andy Borowitz takes over the Marquee Theater in lower Manhattan for one night only, Tuesday, Sept. 28 at 8 PM. Special guests include comedy superstar Jonathan Ames (Late Show With David Letterman). 356 Bowery (between Great Jones and East 4th). Tickets only $5; for more info call 212-664-2957
"The day was saved by the surprise appearance of the political comedian Andy Borowitz.... His dead-on parody of a Kerry stump speech didn't disappoint." - The New York Times
"Spot-on Kerry impersonation." -- New York Magazine
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CHENEY: NOSTRADAMUS WARNED OF KERRY VICTORY
Could Signal End of World, Says Veep
Vice President Dick Cheney made his most dire remarks to date about a November victory by Democratic nominee John Kerry, saying that the French seer Nostradamus warned that Mr. Kerry's election would signal the end of the world.
"Nostradamus made it quite clear that John Kerry's election would be followed shortly thereafter by the end of the universe," Mr. Cheney soberly informed his audience at an Akron, Ohio rally yesterday. "So if you want the world to end, John Kerry is your man."
Mr. Cheney added that if Mr. Kerry were elected, "Rather than seeing the world come to an end I would put the world out of its misery by destroying it myself."
While Mr. Cheney's warnings about a Kerry win have grown increasingly grim in recent days, his claim that Nostradamus (1503-1566) predicted a Kerry-driven apocalypse was extraordinary, even by the standards of today's heated political rhetoric.
But hours after the vice president issued his latest warning, the Nostradamus prediction was powerfully discredited by a newly-formed political action committee calling itself Renaissance French Seers for Truth.
In an ad broadcast in several battleground states by the well-financed seers' group, little-known French seer Henri de Montrachet (1497-1558) is quoted as saying, "I was a seer alongside Nostradamus, and I can tell you this, Nostradamus is lying about John Kerry."
In other campaign news, the Kerry campaign suffered another setback today when the Federal Election Commission informed Mr. Kerry that he had exceeded the federal campaign limit on boat metaphors.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT LIVE IN NYC SEPT. 28 ****
Andy Borowitz takes over the Marquee Theater in lower Manhattan for one night only, Tuesday, Sept. 28 at 8 PM. Special guests include comedy superstar Jonathan Ames (Late Show With David Letterman). 356 Bowery (between Great Jones and East 4th). Tickets only $5; for more info call 212-664-2957
"The day was saved by the surprise appearance of the political comedian Andy Borowitz.... His dead-on parody of a Kerry stump speech didn't disappoint." - The New York Times
"Spot-on Kerry impersonation." -- New York Magazine
To unsubscribe to this e-mail list please paste the following URL: http://www.borowitzreport.com/unsubscri ... 62O24542OB into your browser address bar or forward this message to "remove@borowitzreport.com".
www.Borowitzreport.com
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