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A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia, making love to a dead woman.

The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!"

The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:

#1, It's none of your damn business;

#2, She was my wife; and

#3, I didn't KNOW she was dead: she ALWAYS acted that way!"

xirdneh,

another one,

yeeeeeeaaaa! and also - ewwwwwwww!

LOLOL

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit thefamily ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the  ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their  own stock.

Upon leaving to inspect a bull,  the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy  the bull, I'll contact you to drive out and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to  buy it. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the  telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her  that I've bought a bull for our ranch, and that I need her to hitch the trailer  to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains he'll be glad to help her, then adds,  "It's just 99 cents a word. "

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know
you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slowly ......
"com-for-da-bul" !!!!!!!

astonamous,

I like that one. ;p