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While away I have come up with a simple, yet complex invention.

The Female -> Male Translator!

It works kinda in reverse (the only way to convert female thought into logic would dictate a reversal.) The way it works is you say something as a man and it translates your male, rational thought into what the female actually hears.

Sorry, at this point it is not sophisticated enough to translate what females actually say into coherant logic.

For example:

"I like what you did with your hair."

What the female ear converts this into:

[/i]Your hair looks better than it did.[/i]

This is a subtle, yet substantial difference. The male compliments the female, yet the female hears it as an insult. At this point, rather than question the male regarding his intentions, the female stores this information for use at a later date where she can use it to her advantage, catching the man off guard and unable to reply with the knowledge of what the fuck she is talking about.

For example:

F. You... You even hate my hair!

M. Wha?

F. You heard me.

M. What are you talking about?

F. You told me you didn't like the hairstyle I had!

M. When?

F. When I got the curl. You said you hated the natural.

M. What the hell are you talking about? You got the curl back in '81. And I loved the afro!

F. So you didn't like the curl? It was all a lie? What else have you been lying about? I was going to go natural, but since you don't like my hair natural and you didn't like the curl and you don't love me and yak yak yak yak yak...


So you see men, we can learn a great lesson here: DON'T SAY SHIT!

This can be avoided... If she asks:

"Do you like my hair?"

Answer:

"Looks good."

This reply works for just about anything...

F. Do you like my dress?

M. Looks good.

Do you like my carpet?

M. Looks good.

F. Do you like my tattoo?

M. Looks good.

F. Do you like my sister?

M. Looks good.

Alright... it's not a perfect answer!

JTF,

but what u talkin 'bout Willis?! that there's a problem with male-female communication?

seriously on my favorite news channel, The Animal Planet, there was a Most Extreme episode. the discussion was actually how different men and women are. apparently men only use one side of their brain at one time. whereas women can use BOTH sides of the brain at the same time.

so that explains why we are always wondering what the hell was he thinking?

tamra,
I saw that episode too and what it said was women have to use both sides of their brain, while men only need to use half of theirs to accomplish the same results. ;p

hellifiknow,

figures! kinda like when yall use only half the screws that came with something to assemble! yall lazy sommabishes! ;-p now this explains the need to repeat over and over: please take the trash out or please put the lid down.

tamra,

I take the trash out when I need to.

I put the lid down when I need to.

I use my brain when I need to.

I use the screws that come with it. Can I help it if Ikea can't count.

JTF, I heard a comedy skit like yours on Bob And Tom show on KSHE-95 in Saint Louis. Did you hear the one about the black man going crazy when a deer got in his back seet and went wild? That shit was funny. Here is one, ashes to ashes dust to dust if Josh would have called a cab, he would still be with us. Cheers!

JTF,

@ "when I need to"

Tamra

JTF,
men have to remember to lift the lid but they also have to remember to lower the lid so the women don't end up sitting in the toilet, thats a good example of men only needing to use half their brain while the women use none of it.

who made the rule we got to lower the lid too? I figure if I lifted the lid to keep her from sitting in something wet it's her job to lower it to keep from sitting in something else wet....and not my problem if she aint got half a brain to do it. ;p

tamra,
nanny nanny boo boo ha ha ha ha ha!

I always end up getting less screws than I need. ;p

hellifiknow,

WHAT-EVA!

[/i]and remind me to never sit on ANYTHING u assembled.[/i]