mojones,

Why is it I always get behind the only person in the free world that still doesn't know how to use the bank teller machine?

astonamous,

Here's one that trips me out. Whenever I'm doing comedy, women never approach me unless they have illegitimate kids. Like I'm the consolation prize for unwed mothers or something! I have nothing against women with children, but where were these women when they were single??? Who died and made me the mack-daddy of the welfare program? If I knew you before you got pregnant and you dissed me, don't go there with me after your bundle of joy arrives..

barley,
I feel your pain man....good to know that know matter where you go in this world stupidity is a constant.....

barley,

Ritalin dawg, ritalin...

What a fucking day!! sorry, i just couldn't find anywhere else to freestyle it!

I have only one word circling my mind right now...

WHY!

WHY...when you oversleep for work, do you never totally fuck up and be out like an hour over? You wake up like 2 fucking minuites before your supposed to start work, and in your half ass state of conciousness you think you can crack your usual 25 min morning routine to 3 mins only to realise that not only are you fucked....your outta pocket cos you have to shout a damn cab!

WHY...are people so fucking stupid!? an email recieved at work today:

"how can i put money into my account"

my reply:

"you can introudce money to your account in 3 ways, by cheque, bank transfer or by credit card"

her reply:

"Yes...i know all of that, but why havent you answered my question?"

WHAT THE FUCK!!

WHY...are women always on stupid fucking diets but always want a fucking macdonalds breakfast if someone is fetching!

Today, right guys im gonna go grab a muffin, back in 2..."oh wait, hold on, can you pick me something up" dosent whisper that shit, shouts at the top of her fucking lungs so i end up running every motherfuckers errands!

Im like already 5 mins into my break and the bitch is still fucking around digging for change, im like shit, ill pay...no your alright, i have it here....im like yeah, and they have the fucking muffins THERE until 10:30! shit!

Anyways, im a good guy so i pick up peoples food, only for this fucker to shout out "anyone want my muffin? im on a wheat free diet and cant eat it" that means she only wanted the fucking sausage and egg? not a mistake, she fucking knew!! WHAT THE HELL!!!

WHY...do lazy motherfuckers expect you to run after them when they fucked up?

Greedy prick at work brings a goddamn packed lunch, eats that shit whole by breakfast time then bitches all morning about being hungry...fucks off for an hours lunch break and then comes back and holds up the next guy wanting to take his lunch with this gem....

"couldnt pick me up something to eat could you?"

FUCK YOU YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!!!!...would have been my response, but no, dumbass agrees, but no...it gets better...

I cant eat some stupid fucking shit, like carbs or i dont fucking know what i was stabbing a sharpened pencil into my ears at this point but sent the poor cunt to the other side of town on a pickup after he was already in fingercuffs.

GODDAMIT I HATE DUMB FUCKS WITH NO COMMON SENSE, THAT SHIT WINDS ME UP SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

All i have to look forward to tonight, is knocking one out, then hitting the sack...shit what a friday night!

.....i do feel better now for getting it off my chest tho!, just breathe and count to ten.