All,
An abusive, irresponsible man was most likely abused himself - by his parents, society or even his woman. We don't know what happened to him, but just know that babies are not born to abuse others.
An abused, pitiful woman (some of us have been there, right?) was most likely abused herself. If our self-esteem is so low that we select abusive men to be with, then we are merely co-abusers. In other words, we don't know what real love and companionship is, so we seek out the same type of relationships that we learned from our parents. In this case, we cannot blame anyone for our poor selection process.
Therefore, we must recognize that these abusive people we have allowed to enter our lives says alot about who we are. We must make a decision to accept this person as they are, or release them back to the Universe with a blessing.
Once we are enlightened and wiser in our decision-making process of selecting mates and friends, abusive people no longer enter our protected environment. They move away from us, get out of our way or they may seek us out for help.
LOVE 101
We are merely attracted to that which is like us. Like seeks like. As we look around at our friends and acquaintances, we can tell alot about ourselves. I know that many of the friends I had at 16 are nothing like the friends I have now. That's because I have changed and grown.
So rather than bash some or all men as being no good, I choose to take a look at myself and ask the question: are the men I select a mirror reflection of what I am about?
I'm at a point in life where I see very few differences between men and women. Sure, there's the sexual, physical and hormonal differences. But I'm talking about the basics: the need for love, understanding, friendship and that sort of thing. In that sense, we're all the same.
If we want men to treat us like queens, then we must act like a queen and treat them like a king. It goes both ways. Meet them halfway. Sometimes a person can only do 20%. But if 20% is all they can do, accept that and know that when they are able to do 80%, they most likely will. Reward the little things a man does, and he will begin to do bigger and bigger things as time allows. It's human nature.
And we women must stop giving away so much of ourselves in the beginning of a relationship. That's why we get so angry. Angry at ourselves for putting out so soon -- in many ways. When meeting someone for the first time, start with a meeting at a coffee shop, library, museum or someplace inexpensive. Neither party should feel they lost much if the date doesn't work out.
Dress appropriately for the occasion. Dressing sexy right away sends a certain message. If the man comes on to us, do we have a right to condemn him for acting like a bow-wow-wow-yippee-yo-yippee-yay? Allow the date to get to know YOU, the inner you, the spiritual you, not your body. Surprise him on a 4th or 5th date by wearing something sexy. You'll blow him away!
And forget that other women are dressing with butt beaters. If your date keeps his eye on them instead of you, then he's not for you. All that glitters is not gold and you know that. But if he doesn't know that, then your flags should go up immediately. And if he has substance, he will see your beauty no matter what you are wearing.
I don't believe in competing with other women. I've never had to, because I know who I am and the qualities I bring to the table. Build up your self-esteem and think about why anyone would want to be with you. Is it your charm, grace, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, conversation, talents? My gift has always been my sense of humor and ready smile. I have always known that since I was a child, and at 55 I still share that gift with others - men, women and children. And it still works for me!
All that glitters is not gold...
Men need to start thinking with the head on the top, not the other one. Sure, women are built to the hilt these days and wearing sexy clothing is exciting. But think about this: what is she trying to sell or attract? If you are looking for a serious mate, can you see your wife or child's mother dressed like this? Are you able to get passed the body and clothing to this person's inner essence? The essence that you hope will make you happy and fulfilled for the rest of your life?
If you're out there to play and have fun, be sure you send that message to women. In this way, you will attract only the players to you. You dont want to attract serious women who are looking to settle down. That's deception. That's wrong.
Learn to listen more. Hear what a person is saying. Are they excited about something? Get into that with them. Are they sad about something? Try to understand and help them. Putting ourselves in the other persons shoes says we care and are a friend. Hopefully, they will do the same when our turn comes around.
Learn to handle rejection. Do we always like the person who wants us? Just because the object of our dreams doesn't want to play with us, doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Consider it a blessing in disguise. Being with someone who is very hard to "get" means it may be even harder to keep them. Relationships should be easy-going, fun and enjoyable -- not a competition or a struggle.
Having expectations when meeting someone can kill a relationship faster than anything else. If we go on a date thinking "this is it...this is my new wife!" just know that your date will get this urgent feeling from you and feel the pressure to exit stage left in a hurry.
The human body is a powerful computer system with electrical currents and pulses running through it. These currents are magnetic and touch the currents and pulses of every other human being (or organism) in some way. As natural transmitters and receivers, you don't necessarily have to talk to express your thoughts to others: they FEEL it when close to you. Ever notice how pets will gravitate toward certain people and avoid others? Body language can fool people for only so long. You get the picture...
This is why it is important that we be ourselves, know ourselves and express what we really mean. Because there are more and more people out there who are in tune to this telepathic stuff, they can read you real fast. So keep your inner motivations and desires in line with what you are thinking and saying. You will begin to get more of what you really want in relationships and in life.
Bottom line...
None of us is perfect and there's no map to love that is foolproof. The road to true love has pitfalls and thorns. You can expect to get hurt somewhere along the way. But love is still worth having and fighting for. When in doubt, the age old principle still applies:
"Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You."
The above can be applied by both men and women.
Happy Hunting!
