FUCK YOU, RED AMERICA

[Jennifer]

Dear Red America,

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PIG FUCKERS.

We in Blue America HATE you. You people are the most stupid morons on the face of the planet. It's not enough that you support a president that is utterly screwing you over, you have to take us down the toilet with you. Fuck your stinking farms. You'll all be owned by Archer Daniels soon. We here in The Blue Areas are prepared to help you hit rock bottom as fast as possible. My first suggestion? Shopping at WalMart. That's right, you heard me. Why would I drive to the hideous butt fucking suburbs to shop? Because it is so damn cheap. I will be picking up assloads of items made in Korea, Japan, China, countries that use slave labor etc. What does that mean to places like Ohio? Evaporating manufacturing jobs. As if middle America hadn't lost enough jobs, I'm going to assist you in losing more! How? I am going to make sure everything I buy is made somewhere else. Since that's pretty much everything at WalMart, it should be easy. Does that sound a bit mean? Yeah, but who cares? It's going to happen regardless, I'm just doing it on purpose. The only place you're gonna find a job now, Jethro, is at the WalMart. And guess how much the wage is? Did I mention it's a non-union job? Too bad you don't have a college degree. I do!

Well, at least you HAVE a job. Good thing for Social Security so you might be able to save up and buy a cardboard box and retire at age 65. Except your pals the republicans privatized Social Security and you decided to invest your hard earned cash in commemorative plates and Beanie Babies. Jethro says HE would never be that stupid. Why don't you go ask the people who used to work for Enron about investing? They said it was a sure thing too. Before the New Deal and the War on Poverty, the largest segment of society living in poverty were the elderly (now, by the way, its children). Are you ready for homeless grandparents? Hobos are so cute! But wasn't it worth electing the repubs so we could stop abortion and post the Ten Commandments everywhere?

And since the Ten Commandments are everywhere, I guess I don't have to go to church EVER AGAIN! Not that I have anything against God or Jesus, I just don't want to be in the same building, much less demographic, as you Leviticus obsessed, sister-fucking rednecks (Hey. Lot had sex with his two daughters {he was drunk}, does that make incest OK?).

And such whining! What is it with evangelical Christians that they always have to feel they are somehow oppressed to be truly happy? I call it "Coliseum Syndrome". Hey, I have news for you, Christians are the MAJORITY in this country. That's why Christmas is a national holiday and Ramadan is not. How is it that evangelicals control the entire government, and somehow still claim they are being oppressed by "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"? These puritanical asses think that because the constitution (not for long) keeps them from forcing children in public schools (we're next) to pray to Jesus every morning that the government is somehow persecuting them. "CHRISTIANS ARE BEING OPPRESSED BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT AND THE BRAVO CHANNEL!" And that this is somehow similar to being thrown out to ravenous lions. Hey, guess what Spartacus, you are now OFFICIALLY THE ROMANS. You have the House, the Senate, the Supreme Court, most of the states, and the Presidency. YOU CANNOT PRETEND TO BE VICTIMS ANYMORE, NOT THAT YOU EVER WERE. And guess what? If I choose to make fun of you and your sick fucked up version of religion, THAT IS NOT OPPRESSION EITHER. You fuck ups couldn't handle real oppression. You slack jawed morons could use a week of Slave Camp to find what actual persecution is.

Here in Blue America, we do not fear Red oppression. Well, maybe the gaybashing, the racial disenfranchisement, and the restrictions on reproductive rights. But what we are really afraid of is science based on creationism, like in Kansas. It's the double fistfuck of ramming religion up your ass AND bad healthcare. I mean who really wants a proctologist or optometrist with a medical degree from Bob Jones University. If the optometrist screws up, tough luck, I guess "God made you blind".

And speaking of blind, what part of the War in Iraq looks good to you? The zero control (what about the green zone?) the kidnappings, 100,000 Iraqi dead, the fact that these people are never going to want to do anything but shoot at us till we leave? No problem, you say, we will win eventually. Well maybe, if we kill a few thousand more Iraqis, and elect someone we like, just like the British did. Of course, the Iraqi people will probably do what they did last time, that is, wait for the westerners to leave, overthrow our hand picked guy, and commence to fightin with each other. But hey, I'm sure it will all turn out OK. Never underestimate the American public's self delusion when it comes to bad wars. I mean hell, there are still asswipes out there that think we could have won Viet Nam if we had just shot Jane Fonda and tried a little harder (see: swift boat veterans). What makes you think anyone in the Red states could possibly acknowledge a total disaster? That would mean our soldiers are fighting, not for freedom or justice, but for NOTHING. Dying for nothing in a war based solely on lies and deception. For a president who doesn't give a flying fuck about the troops. And ya'll fucking worship him. Americans would rather eat live snakes and ignore the obvious than admit it.

And terrorism? You shitheads actually believe that because we are fighting a war in Iraq, (not really all that close to Afghanistan, though I am pretty sure you barely know where the Middle East is) that this is somehow going to keep the terrorist (Al Qaeda, remember them?) from hitting the US? This is logic Lisa Simpson could see through (If I pick up this rock, and there are no tigers around, that must mean that this is a tiger-repelling rock). Nevermind that we are PRODUCING terrorists at a much faster rate than we can kill them. George W is the best recruiter for Osama ever! Forget the fact that we are sending them bomb fodder (the military) by the truckload, just to make it easier. AL QAEDA IS GOING TO HIT US AGAIN, YOU FUCKING RED DUMBASSES. Get used to it. And will they hit bumfuck Kansas? Mobile, Alabama? Daytona Beach at racetime? No, of course not (too bad). They are gonna hit New York, or LA or some perfectly nice Blue City. Come on Osama, Houston is so close to the coast.

But you know what? I don't fucking care. If the terrorist get me (more likely now than four years ago) good for them, nice fucking shot. At least I ain't gonna be fightin the idiotic war in Iraq. I am too old and fat to be drafted. All my Blue friends will send their children to school in Canada, and your kids can go fight. It is a crime that your fucked up vote will be keeping soldiers who voted Democrat in Iraq. The worst you fat fucking ticks can do to me is suck all my tax dollars to fund your massive fuck up. But the worst you can do to them is get them killed, and for nothing. Hey, we tried to stop it. Since you motherfuckers have now made this war a nationally endorsed mandate, I officially don't get give a RATS ASS if your Red American sons and daughters get blown to pieces, although I feel bad for the completely fucked Iraqi civilians. And yes, soldiers mainly come from Red families, unfortunately, that is the color ALL people turn when hit by a roadside bomb. Since you love your lying, sack of shit president and his unwinnable war so much, there will be no tears or support for your stupidity from us, though it is a shame. Why should Democrats have to die for your delusions? You Red fucking bastards will just have to learn the hard way not to swallow the president's endless lies whole. But WE, AMERICA, ASKED FOR IT, VOTED FOR IT, AND NOW WE WILL GET WHAT WE DESERVE. ENDLESS, POINTLESS CARNAGE. Don't come crying to me when you go bankrupt, can't afford health care and your kids get blown up. I'll be at the bar, laughing and watching the Mariners game.

And as for reconciliation. RECONCILLIATION? FUCK YOU, GEORGE W, RED AMERICA, AND YOUR SYPHILITIC MOTHER TOO. DON'T TALK TO US, DON'T COME NEAR US, YOU SHEEP FUCKING, RACIST, REDNECK, NASCAR LOVING, MYSOGYNISTIC, HOMOPHOBIC, G.E.D FAILING, BIBLE HUMPING MOTHERFUCKERS. YOU JUST STAY IN YOUR RED ZONE, AND WE'LL STICK TO CIVILIZATION, THANKS.


"To announce that there must
be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the
President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is
morally treasonable to the American public."
-Theodore Roosevelt

[blumustard]

nuff said.

[billyb0y]

Jennifer,
I was taught in school that there was a big war between the "Blue and the Gray" and it was anything but civil...
The Confederacy has returned!

[craig]

Here's something that'll further fan the flames...

Just got back from the 3rd Street Promenade, an outdoor shopping mall in Santa Monica. Now, Santa Monica is notably progressive; a blue town in a blue state. So, sitting right in the middle of the mall is a booth with a huge Bush/Cheney 04 sign, with a "Mission Accomplished" banner above it. (Apparently, the sheer irony of the banner was way over the heads of the twits manning the booth...)

Here's a clue, motherfuckers:

- Go home. You won the election. Don't be an obnoxious asshole. Karma's gonna be a bitch.

- Take the fucking "Mission Accomplished" sign and shove it somewhere useful. It's disrespectful of the troops that have died, and of the troops that are still in harm's way.

- This isn't the fucking Superbowl. There will be no victory parade. Stop being so fucking shallow! Are you that bored?

- By the way, take the fucking flag off your car. Like Bill Maher said: "It's literally the LEAST you can do." Think about it. Actually, just TRY thinking. It's a start.

Oh, yeah: go fuck yourselves.

[craig]

astonamous,

that should mean he isn't getting pussy for at least a month.

he admitted that Maria had him sleeping on the couch for two weeks after his RNC speech

[JTF]

Jennifer,

Yes, but how do you feel?

[Jennifer]

astonamous,
LOOLLL---yes-a nice youngen on the side!!

[ClarkWashington]

Jennifer,

Just for the record, some of us are out here in red states continuing to fight the good fight. We're outnumbered apparently, but we're out here!!!

[bingolong]

ClarkWashington,
Ain't that the truth......

[Jermane S]

Jennifer,
FUCK BUSH and may all that die on his behalf, from the misled soldiers to the innocent civilians, past and future, R.I.P.