Bored Thoughts

[paulmonroe]

I thought of a good thing to fuck with people..
Set a information desk up at a hospital and have someone put a sign up on it that says be back in 15 minutes...and every 15 minutes some back and take the sign down and put another one up that says be back in 15 minutes....



HEY !! IM FUNNY DAMNIT!!!

[Ben Robinson]

paulmonroe,
What if you taped that sign to the front of a chair, and then after 15 minutes you came and made a sign that read, "Back" and taped it on the back of the chair?

[Visitor]

Ben Robinson,
OH HELL...NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT......HMMMM I NEED TO TRY THAT..I WORKED IN A HOSPITAL AND WE WOULD PULL PRANKS IN THE MORGUE ON THE SECURITY ......ID LAY ON THE STRETCHER AND WE WOULD CALL SECURITY TO UNLOCK THE MORGUE..AND ID BE LAYING THERE COVERED UP AND WHEN THEY WOULD START TO LIFT ME UP ID SIT UP ON EM.....MAN...I NEVER SEEM SO MANY GROWN MEN PISS AND SHIT THEIR PANTS THAT FAST.... MAN I HAVE TONS OF SHIT TO DO TO PEOPLE.....I WOULD TAKE DIAPERS UNSCENTED OFCOURSE AND ID GO TO THE KITCHERN AT THE HOSPITAL AND ID GET CHOCOLATE PUDDING AND ID LAY A PIECE OF WRAP ON THE DIAPER AND POUR ON THE PUDDING AND WALK AROUND THE HOSPITAL AND EAT THE PUDDING AND WATCHED PEOPLES REACTION TO ME HOLDING THE DIAPER...

[Ben Robinson]

Visitor,
Dude, don't worry man, I'm gonna read your posts whether you cap every word or leave all words undercase. I don't mean to sound like an uptight nerd, but on the internet writing in caps is the equivlent of yelling instead of speaking.

If you yell all the time, how are you going to be able to raise your voice when you want to say something funny, like, "IMA FUCK YOU UP THE NOSE!" or, "MY VIRGINAL WHITE PANTIES HAVE BLOOD ALL OVER THEM!!!!!!"

Otherwise I enjoyed your tales of hospital antics. You should video tape that stuff, you could be the next TOM GREEN!!!!!

[paulmonroe]

Ben Robinson,
Sorry bout the caps...Im so use to that...I thought about tons of stuff to do to people..Punked and Viva La Bam...have nothing on me...

[Ben Robinson]

paulmonroe,
I used to do stuff like that too. When I was in college I shaved just one tiny little strip in the front of my head. I looked like an escaped mental patient. But people thought it was weird so I shaved all the way back, and then i shaved the sides, kinda going for a double mohawk thing, like in that Prodigy video. Finally I shaved the whole thing. I have this huge bump on my head. I think it's just a seist, I'm pretty sure I've gotten it checked out by a doctor before. My parents aren't too worried about it. But it looks like it might be cancerous. So when people ask me what it is I tell them I have cancer and they get really uptight. They ask me if it's really cancer. I go I don't know, it might be, I don't think it is, but it might be. They're like, dude, you could die.

Further adventures. The college I went to was a comedy college. They had courses in sketch, clowning, even standup. There was this girl in 2nd year who I found very attractive. She had a grandmother's face and a teenager's body. I don't know why, it just worked. She dressed like an 80s punk, I thought she was fine. Every so often she would say hi to me as I walked by. I'd try to talk to her but I was too nervous. I didn't know what to say. It was always awkward around her.

I needed an gimmick, so I told her I was stalking her. She laughed and from then on referred to me as her stalker. Then one day she came up to me and told me she lost her notebook with all her private thoughts in it. All the dirt that she didn't want anyone to read. All the guys she fucked, all the stupid things she did while drunk. She asked me to find it. Now this was a comedy college so I assumed this was part of a game. I was a stalker and she had "lost" her private notebook? I fevertly searched for it but couldn't find it. I asked my friend what I should do and he said I should make a fake one and give it to her.

So I bought a notebook that matched the description of the missing one, and wrote about 30 pages of angsty teen depression. Talking about how she cut herself and she fucked some club owner for stage time. Eventually I ran out of creativity and started talking about the horrible things that had happened to me in my own life. Really personal shit. Keep in mind I didn't really know her, but I was baring my soul to her.

I had been to her house once before for a party, so I waited by the subway station near her house one night for a few hours. At this point I guess I was actually stalking her. The joke had become reality. Finally I gave her the notebook and she laughed her ass off. She dropped all her defenses and talked to me as a real person for a good hour. It was wonderful, I was so in love. I asked if I could kiss her and she said no. Eventually we went our seperate ways.

I found out later that I really creeped her out by what I had written and what I had done. But she still thought I was cool. I kept my distance for awhile, because I admitted to myself I had actually become unhealthly obsessed with her. By the end of the year I had left the school to pursue comedy on my own. I still run into her at clubs every so often, and we're starting to build a real friendship. I'm no longer obsessed with her, so I can be comfortable and talk to her like a normal human being. And who knows, maybe if I get famous one day she'll give me head.

[paulmonroe]

Ben Robinson,
Ok Ben this is for you!!! The male female thing...it makes
sense....
Alright you women out there, listen closly. These guys you should look out for, the type of guy who is driving around listening to fucking dance music like Zombie Nation and stupid dumbass songs from the mid 90's that no body gives a shit about. Y'know they turn it up really loud to get your attention while driving by as if your going to throw yourself on top of the car and start pounding on the windshield and say "Oh, I love you because your playing Zombie Nation!" Yeah okay. What the fuck ever. What you do is, aim for the tires and fucking blow those shits out and then he will crash into a telephone pole.

Fuck that shit, and watch out for those guys who come over on the weekend and all they do is watch football and then every five minutes they say "Hey babe, can you get me a beer from the fridge?" Fuck that shit! Tell that fat bastard to get up and get it himself. If he gives you a response like "well, I work all week" Well, you know what? I'm sure most of you women out there work all week and have to take care of a fucking child. Tell this fat bastard to get up and get his own beer. Tell him it's the least you can do since you've been carrying a child around in your stomach for nine months. These lazy fucking bastards just fucking piss me off and watch out for guys that call you by pet names more than they do your own name, and if they ever refer to you as "my girl" you drop that fucker like a rock and not to get down on all you guys.

Don't worry, there are women you should be looking out for too. ALright, Like women that dress like damn sluts, you dont want to be affiliated with. If you can see more clevage than a plumbers, ass don't get involved, it's just going to cause problems when you decide to become possessive and dominearing over thier life.

Also watch out for wemon that wear expensive jewelry. You know, the kind of fucking bitch that has 15 different kinds of rings on each finger. Oh, and people with name plates. You know, these fucking women who have thier names on this little chain as if they'd fucking forget and then women who have their own name tatooed on their own body. It's just stupid. Like are they really THAT stupid that they wake up in the morning and say "Oh my god! What's my name?" and they have to look at their ass in the mirror to find out who they are, "Oh that's right, I'm Amy." give me a fucking break! You don't want to deal with women who doesn't know who they are. Oh, and here is a good test when your window shopping, if they pull you by your arm to a jewelry window, smash their hand into the window and run because you don't want to deal with some money hungry bitch.

My only peice of advice to have a sound relationship is to leave each other alone. Don't be overly concerned. Don't try to domineer them, Let them be independent. Let them do what they want. You think you people can understand that? but yeah, there are some reasons to be suspicious. Like if your girl friend walks in the room with a condom on her head then you know you may want to ask a few questions but other than that try to trust the individual. If it doesn't work out, you know what? Fuck them! Let them drop dead from some weird desease. And die. You're better than that and you don't have to validate yourself through another person's life. Every individual is an island and can be an islabd. You do not need a signifacant other to live life. So stop seeking somthing that isn't there and move on.