should I or shouldn't I

[tamra]

or should I get more info first...

see, this is how I'm always getting jacked up -- helping damn "mortals". I should just stay on my little planet and swing by just for munchies, and call superman for booty calls occassionally

but my new neighbor is a single mother. I just found out today she's also about 7 months pregnant. never really seen her, just hear her coming and going as we share the same upper entrance stairway w/doors across from each other.

she moved in and apparently is having financial problems (that I can't help her with). but she just got served w/an eviction notice for not paying rent after living here for only a couple of months. she already has a new baby and has another one on the way. meanwhile I have 2 extra unfurnished rooms she could use and am planning on moving in 3 months anyway.

but here's the deal, she's been scamming a rent to own place (her priorities are all wrong). upon moving in she ordered a GIANT tv that she wasn't paying for. they've been knocking LOUDLY on her door for weeks now. she's been home and not answering as well as not home (shady, unethical, and over a damn unnecessary TV that won't put food on table or roof over head). she's received the notices the rental company haas been placing ALL OVER her door for 2 weeks. yesterday, it escalated to the point of charges being discussed, and all this during Coretta's funeral, which is why I kept missing things. I kept thinking should I stay out of it or help. what would Coretta do?

I figured at least she'd have a free place to live and could come and go as she pleased. but then I know she has friends, plus the guy (or guys) she made the kids with, but they're obviously not speaking. and several of her problems could have been avoided w/right choices.

is it wrong to feel like I shouldn't help because I don't need any more nonsense people in my life? (help somebody out and get f'd every time)

or should I just try to help as I normally would because you never know how that little bit of help could help improve someone's life. I mean I ain't time to evaluate her, she's being evicted in a matter of 2 days w/a infant child and one on the way.

should I call Springer or Oprah on this one?

[JTF]

tamra,

Call child protective services on her ass.

I was seeing a woman who was always pissed that her brother and sister got everything in the world they ever wanted and more. They were both fat as hell and never wanted to do anything except eat, play games and watch TV. Her brother thought working was for chumps. They had plasma TV's in each room and more electronic equipment than any family should ever have...It really pissed her off, but she had no problem with her mother getting the apartment on the cheap thru Section 8, getting welfare on top of that and her stepfather paying some guy to rewrite all of his income info so that most of his income wasn't even seen by the government. When I said once that it would actually do them better in the long run if they got busted she was pissed at me, because then they couldn't afford to live there. They are paying less for a four bedroom apartment in the East Village than I pay for a studio in Harlem!

[Momof5]

tamra,

The best thing you could probably do for the lady is to give her a list of non-profit homeless shelters and resources. You can't save her and ultimately don't need to destroy part or all of your life to do it... If she wants the help..She will rebuild herself from the ground up and be a better person for it.

I was in a homeless situation 8 years ago. 1 child and preggers and I got my ownself out of it with some support from local agencies.. With in a year I was self sufficient with an honest (take that back I was aiding in repo's)job.

Its kind of like the old sayin. Give a man a fish feed him for a day..teach a man to fish feed him for a lifetime..

[tamra]

thanks yall

see that IS the thing: the kids. the child has to go through hell because the adults related to the child can't get it together.

and DAMN!!! major applause to you Momof5!!!! to go through being homeless with a child on the way and come out on the positive end is beyond powerful. says a lot for women who claim "they can't leave a bad situation".

but the infant baby is CONSTANTLY crying. I was thinking about calling CPS, but don't wanna jump the gun, as kids cry. but I mean literally crying all night for days in a row and loud enough to be heard a deck away. figured since it's an infant, maybe colicky(sp?) or something. but the baby is obviously dependent upon her. she leaves door open, places the child down to go back downstairs for something, and the baby starts screaming immediately. gotta let the child loose, stay immediately close and let them explore so they can gain some independence.

the decision factor is late one night shortly after she moved in, a cop brought her home to her door, but they were having a friendly conversation right up against my door (huh-low get cho azz offa my door! ) I couldn't hear the talk just heard the echoes of laughter and polite talk.

I didn't even know it was a cop, but another neighbor saw her being escorted home and her nosy ass asked me about it. I said I didn't know anything about it, which I didn't because I haven't mastered seeing and hearing through solid objects yet. but I thought it was a friend from the sound of the convo. now if I knew what that was about, then would feel a little at ease.

I guess my biggest thing is you cross people's paths for a reason and sometimes that one little bit of help can make a world of difference. but there's too many cons outweighing pros. and damn if that don't make me feel guilty. I even feel like I'm making excuses to not help -- with every little keystroke too because she's finally home after being out all day yesterday and coming home to an eviction notice, then being awakened by the TV rental place which returned first thing in morning. talk about not having a good 24 hours. I feel like I should just walk across the deck and say "if you need any help, I'm here"

but I keep thinking about her choices.... *sigh*

watch my dumb ass offers to help!!! even in some small way. I wish I could find that gene and destroy it when necessary and just be an Emelda Marcos for the day.

[tamra]

JTF,

oh and JTF because of real estate in Manhattan, you should have dropped a dime on their asses. some things I don't get involved with because I figure it catches up over time, but stuff like that is wrong. and the property owner is getting screwed for their benefit.

I met some folks like that. pissed me off. I'm running around in circles paying rent, utilities, transportation to work and w/a car that I had to give up grudgingly because it was just sitting unused in NYC, and barely had enough for food. then saw some folks WITH a fully loaded house in prime real estate areas and almost everything is paid for by the state, including food.

I know you heard about this girl living in a luxury Union Square apartment and was getting evicted over $1 a YEAR, yes year, rent. she made a deal a long time ago w/someone else, and couldn't understand why she had to pay real rent or leave

[hellifiknow]

tamra,


Do the right thing and call Oprah first so maybe they can get some help then just let nature take it's course if they end up on Springer...while ya got Oprah on the line see if I can get a makeover for some new teefus.

This rancher Rick and I (my eight grade english teacher just turned over) worked for asked us to leave the utilities and phone on at this place we was moving out of because his nephew was moving in and couldn't afford the deposit required to turn the stuff on...several months later we ended up paying a large amount of cash to the phone and electric company because this jerk split town and all the rancher said when confronted was "huh"...ironically his is the only local ranch hit by wierd alien experiments that everything edible is surgically removed from his cattle.

special mention should go out to Rick who "done the ranchers daughter and sure did hurt his pride ha ha".

[tamra]

hellifiknow,

you're always the OTHER voice of reason.

but I'm prolly gonna offer her help when she gets back. but to a certain extent. I won't lecture her because I don't think that would help and I'm sure others have tried.

I just can't see her ass out and w/a baby on the way. at least give her a chance to breathe w/out worrying about bills for a few days. stress during pregnancy is not good.

and then get her to a shelter in a few days.

and definitely putting some valuable things away at friend's house nearby. F that! I'd hate to have ill feelings for a pregnant woman.

[tamra]

deepseas,

yeah you're right. I don't know anything about her, and I'm just looking at the baby and the child on the way, and it's sad. but shouldn't let that sucker me. esp. since I didn't make either child. between the child's father and her, and BOTH of their families, someone should care.

coming from a dysfunctional family situation, I know what it's like to see people hanging out there on their own. so when I do things for folks, I stay in the background and let them do their thing and know there's help so they can do it better. and just hope I don't get fucked in the process.

I just keep thinking about the time as a kid I found a lady living in an old shack w/about 8 kids and no utilities, broken windows, no plumbing along side a cement factory where the sand was that we played in after hours. I went home and told my mom about her (plus I had 8 new friends to add to 1-2-3 redlight game ).

the lady and my mom became wonderful lifelong friends and my mom helped them along the way. they got better housing, extra food, sanitary products for the girls and so many little things that made a world of difference. and friends to make it through the day. and the kids were able to be kids and are doing well now.

[Momof5]

tamra,

You already know that this chick is shadey. She won't stop because you offer her an open door...Most likey sudden "hardships" would befall her making it difficult for her to leave you..

You have a right to anonymously call CPS and report her to them and they will come and investigate. Send her to the salvation army.. They give women w/children priority in safe housing. I find you admerable for wanting to help the children so badly. But as the law stands its not a crime to be a bad parent, just a dangerous one. If she leaves her kid alone period you have to make the call as soon as you know.. She has known that she was being evicted for a long time.. There is a whole court process involved for legal eviction.. If its just the Super/landlord handing her a notice she doesn't have to leave..Depending on the state.

[tamra]

Momof5,

it's a notice to pay or vacate. they can put her out and then she has to go to court, because as it stands she has no rights to the apartment since she hasn't paid and given she just moved in, she may not have paid all that was necessary to secure the first month -- as in check or something could have bounced.

but I've decided to offer her minimal help in regards to the child but no shelter, that's it. maybe she's so stressed out she can't take care of the child, which could be why it's crying all the time. sometimes mothers need a break from the child to regroup. and the child will be right across the deck so she can nap, think or something positive to get it together. if the baby looks malnurished, ill or not well taken care of, CPS time.